Adventures of a Stupidimous Cook

OK.. if any of you are coming to my blog to find some great recipes and beautiful pictures of delicious-yet-healthy food, either you are delusional, or I am for thinking that I can actually cook.

So, as I mentioned in my original post, I'm trying to learn how to cook according the the Nourishing Traditions method.  I'm very dutiful in making out my menus at the beginning of the week, am learning what fruits and vegetables I need to buy organic and for which ones it doesn't matter; I've even learned to make my own kombucha and yogurt. 

When it comes to actually cooking this stuff, however, I fail miserably. Usually I will open up the cookbook around 4pm to see what I need to do to get dinner started, only to realize that I should have soaked, sprouted, fermented or hunted and cured something in the recipe days ago.

This is most aggravating, as it is important to me to get rid of the processed food and chemicals that currently plague our diet. (Could high fructose corn syrup be the secret behind my daughter's seizures?)  So, when things don't go well in Mama's Kitchen, we often resort back to the old ways and to breaded fish- or is it chicken- fingers (they look the same.. they taste the same..) with macncheese to keep the kiddos happy.

Why are my children such picky eaters?   I asked my mom (who has sprouted, soaked, fermented and grown her own food for decades without the help of a fancy new book) the other day if my sisters and I were so picky.  She said that we all had our little dislikes (mine was onions), but that we would just pick out the offending food.   MY children, on the other hand, upon encountering any such aggreviences (ie, a vegetable, meat, or fleck of spice) promptly declare the entire meal unsuitable for consumption.

So back to this evenings cooking stupidity.  Elsie has been asking for days for me to make pancakes or waffles.  I figure, its the last day of school.. let's celebrate with some healthy, Nourishing Traditions Waffles.   I had some So Delicious Coconut Milk in the fridge I wanted to use up and thought this was the perfect opportunity.

I checked my recipe at 2:30pm.  I figured I had missed a huge window of soaking time for my dough, but hey, two hours of soaking is better than none, right?  The dough is supposed to sit and soak for about 12 hours to break down the phytic acid in the whole wheat flour and make it more digestable.

So, I mixed my flour and my milk together.. then promptly kicked myself for using dairy milk instead of the coconut milk I wanted to use up.   The dough is supposed to sit somewhere slightly warm, so I stuck the bowl in my oven where the pilot light would keep it at a nice 100 degrees or so.

Proud of myself, despite using the wrong milk...   Wait.. let's just pause here a second to clarify that coconut milk is not "milk."  "Milk" comes from mammals and is species-specific.  Milk is from a human mama and is best for human babies... bovine milk is from a cow mama and is best for calves...feline milk is from a cat mama and is best for kittens... you get the picture.   If it is squeezed out of a nut, bean or grain, it is technically a "juice."

So, proud of myself, despite using the wrong "milk/juice,"  I decide to peruse the Nourishing Traditions recipes for a dessert.  I quickly settle on baked apples since Elsie's teacher asked me to bring apples and oranges for the class party today and NOBODY ate them (duh!).   Great...let's get that oven preheated to 375 degrees!

Coring my apples, I start to smell something a little strange.  Being the most stupidimous cook out there, I think nothing of it. Indeed, it takes me a full ten minutes to core the apples, and prepare the sugar/butter/spice to put on top of them and THEN open the of the oven to see my - yup- PLASTIC bowl of soaking dough melting like a Shrinky Dink.

Dough and bowl went into the trash after a brief pause in the sink to cool down.  Hmmm...now I have my chance to start over and use the correct liquid product in my dough!  So, another dough is made and left to soak for about an hour and a half.

I was excited to make my waffles... the recipe sounded delicious, even if my dough had not been soaking for the requisite 12 hours.  After heating up the iron and adding the other ingredients, I detached the 7 year old from my leg who had been asking "is it ready yet?" since she got home from school, and put the first batch in to cook. 

EPIC FAIL.   Flat and tough.  I threw it across the back yard.


Back to my favorite waffle recipe. 



Light, Crip Waffles from allrecipes.com



3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup milk
6 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 egg yolk
1 egg white
1 tablespoon white sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions


1.Preheat the oven to 200 degrees F (95 degrees C). Preheat your waffle iron.

2.In a medium bowl, stir together the flour, cornstarch, salt, baking powder and baking soda. Combine the milk, buttermilk and oil in a measuring cup. Whisk in the egg yolk with a fork, and set aside. In a small bowl, beat egg white with an electric mixer until almost soft peaks. Gradually sprinkle in the sugar, while continuing to whip until thick and glossy. Stir in vanilla.

3.Pour the milk mixture into the dry ingredients, and whisk just until blended. Fold in the egg white using a spatula.

4.Pour batter onto the hot waffle iron in the recommended amount for your iron. My waffle iron takes a generous 1/2 cup. Close the iron, and cook until golden brown. A good indication that it is getting close is that the steam will stop coming out of the iron. Keep finished waffles in the warm oven directly on the rack. Do not stack, or they will become soggy.

The Invisible Girl on the Soccer Field

I have an invisible daughter. Only I can see her. Her soccer coach cannot see her. Neither can her teammates.

During practice, a whole field of coaches could not see the invisible girl as she wandered off the field and almost into the neighboring woods. Past ten coaches and one hundred kids, the invisible girl can go wherever she wants - lost in her own thoughts of butterflies and rabbit holes with Alice.

During a game, the invisible girl sits by herself on the sidelines. She will never say, “I want to play.” It’s not that she doesn’t want to play… she loves to put on her uniform and cleats and is excited about every game. When given a chance, she will run after the ball and play hard out until she is tired. She can only run for a few minutes at a time - but plays with her heart. But to ask to play could mean that she might miss picking the perfect daisy or catching the perfect butterfly. So she will never ask to play.

When I suggest to the coach that she let the invisible girl play, the coach seems angry. “She doesn’t want to play,” she says. “Try her,” I insist. The coach tells the invisible girl to play, “right here.” An invisible box is drawn on the field for the invisible girl to play in. She mustn’t venture too close to the other players or they might see her. It is a deal that the coach has worked out with the other coaches. No one will pay attention to the invisible girl. No whistle will be blown if she kicks the ball the wrong way because she is playing her own invisible game. She is an extra player on the field but that’s OK, because she is invisible.

I’m not sad that she has only played a total of 10 minutes the entire soccer season. The revenge will come later.. You see, when the coach and players see her sometime during the summer at the store or on the playground.. she will suddenly become visible and they will probably say, “Hello.” And she will say, “Hello,” back because she is polite, and she is friendly and likes to make new friends. But she will not be saying hello out of recognition. She will not know their names or remember where - or even THAT - she has seen them before. That is my revenge - that she will treat them no different than any other stranger because they have not taken the time to make an impact on her life.

But that is also what makes me sad. I’m sad for them. They have missed the opportunity to teach her a fun new skill, they have missed the opportunity to be a friend to someone who has few friends, they have missed the opportunity to let her feel like a normal kid, they have missed the opportunity to join in her imagination that reaches to the stars, and they have missed the opportunity to hear the best laugh in the world. And that is their loss.


We have had to abandon other sports and ballet because of her health issues. She is not allowed to participate in gym class at school or play on the playground equipment. For her to stick this out and to want to participate has been a huge step for her.


I wish you could see her play.. my daughter.. the invisible girl on the soccer field.

ACK! I'm blogging!

I'm about to turn 40.  My husband says I should blog.   Like I need one more thing to do?!
OK, fine.. lets talk about what's going on in my life.  

1. I'm taking online classes and desperately trying to find a mentor so that I can take the Exam to become an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant.

2. I've been trying to learn how to cook according to the book "Nourishing Traditions" by Sally Fallon. (hmm..maybe I should figure out how to link you to Amazon to buy the book so I can earn 2 cents for giving you my 2 cents.  If you see it somewhere on this blog, you know I've figured it out.)

3.  I have lost 20 or 25 lbs so far.  Sorry I can't be more accurate - stupid cheap scale.  I lot of that is through Zumba.. but I've got a few other tricks up my sleeve.  My goal is to loose 100 lbs by next July 4.

4.  I have a wonderful 7 year old who has Epilepsy. She has the best laugh in the world.

5. I have a wonderful 5 year old who wants to play baseball for the Red Sox when she grows up...or maybe play pro soccer.. or be a ballerina.. or a rock star.

6.  I am the wife to a graphic designer/standup comic/magazine publisher/playwright/novelist.  He needs some time to find out what that means.

7. We have an old house, built in 1891, that we moved into in 2007. We are currently in Loan Modification Purgatory - not knowing if the bank will actually modify our loan or kick us out - but for now we are living rent free!

8.  I am a born-again Christian  (OK.. I see that half of you just left the room).  I don't plan to blog about politics, but more about how the Bible shapes my world-view, the struggles of being a wretched sinner, and how I am often Amazed by Grace.  Feel free to disagree.. but it's my blog, so I get to delete any expletives. 

Allright.. I can't promise I'll stick to those eight catagories, but it's somewhere to start.




Hey - I figured it out. Here's the book I was talking about in the previous post. "Nourishing Traditions" by Sally Fallon. It can be a bit daunting to make all the changes she talks about -and it seems to against alot of what we have grown up thinking was a healthy way to eat. All I can say, however, is that I have lost weight, I feel a LOT better, I am more alert and energetic, and I'm eating delicious meals. If you decide to give it a try and need more support on sprouting your grains or making chicken stock, the ladies on mothering.com are a wealth of information.